HE CALLED ME "AUNTY"- by olivia dokubo

My job as a marketer takes me from one place to another all the time, i get to interact with all sorts of people, which can be fun, interesting, boring, and sometimes annoying. I boarded a bus today , that was around 3 in the afternoon and there was so much traffic and school pupils everywhere.When we got to a school bus stop, a little boy entered , he should be around 11 or 12 years old, from his uniform I could tell he was from the popular government craft school in port harcourt .He greeted everyone and I was shocked because the students from that school have the reputation of been rude,disrespectful and noisy,he just sat behind me and was very quiet only humming to the music from the radio.he recited every advert aired on wazobia fm with so much familiarity.
When we got to a junction,there was so much traffic we couldn't move,there was an italian tiles and furniture shop very close to the bus stop,they had transparent glasses so everyone could see what they displayed.The little boy suddenly shouted ''omoh eehh see bathtub, na to just enter dis place thief every single thing inside,waka commot'' . I was flabbergasted, I didn't understand why he thought stealing was the best, I decided to ask him ''why you go won thief am''.
he grinned ''aunty you no go understand,na dis kin thing big people dey enjoy na''.

I still didn't understand why he used the word collect instead of buy, i wanted to know, i was curious,why would stealing become the best option, and so i said ''if you work hard become big man you sef go fit buy am,no need to collect am '' he laughed and said '' na which time me go come become big man,get money to buy all this kind thing sef,na to collect am easy pass oh'' And i was shocked that this little boy would argue so strongly why''collecting it'' was better than owning it rightly.He didn't even believe he could work hard enough,earn honest money to buy the things he desired.This boy would be in the junior secondary level in high school and he had already made up his mind that ''collecting it'' was better.I couldn't say anything until he alighted "aunty bye bye"he said. I didn't know the elderly woman sitting close to me was listening to our little interaction, she told me "my dear,no be ur pikin,make u no worry too much for am,worry for the one wey you go born"But she didn't understand why i was worried,i felt i had failed to explain to that little boy,how much honest work pays,he had gone on with the mentality that "collecting" was okay,I should have at least told him that getting a bathtub shouldn't be his priority now,his books should be.I really feel guilty and i can't forget that he called me aunty.

quickie!!!!

mary's father has four daughters
the first is nene
the second is chioma
the third is faith
what is the name of the fourth daughter?

MEETING CHIM-AMAKA- part1

when I heard that my aunt had put to bed, I had mixed feelings, who wouldn't in this sort of situation,you see aunt G is my mother's elder sister , so as you can guess chim-amaka was a miracle baby. 
I was both happy and sad, happy because my aunt was so elated and one could sense how complete she felt, then i was sad because i would not be her baby anymore, my aunt was my second mother, there was such a striking resemblance between the both of us that people always assumed she was my mum as the daughter she never had or should i say now has.I LOVED spending my holidays at her house in Enugu, i kept her company and always remembered her birthday,mother's day and other important dates.
Then along came chim-amaka, who she named partly after me(my native name was nwamaka), i was in my hostel when the news of her delivery came, My mother was already talking of visiting the new mother and child, she was already talking baby gifts and inquiring if i would be available to visit aunt G with her. i immediately feigned too many classes,tests and approaching exams, i told her i will visit aunt G after my exams.
After my exams, it was one excuse after the other,the truth was i was practically jealous of a baby, i was jealous when my mother came home with pictures of her and announced her the most beautiful baby ever, i was angry at the way the world suddenly revolved around her,most of all, I was sad that my aunt did not call me as usual to check up on me.
chim-amaka was to blame for everything, i was going to pay her a visit soon enough....

THE NIGERIAN GIRL CHILD

The trend I have observed in our society is a rather funny one;the general lifestyle of most young females, the Nigerian girl child is beautiful, she is a gem, she is witty, she loves to dress, she likes the upbeat life, she loves church especially "praise and worship", all things beautiful are a must-have.

THE ACADEMICIAN:BY EWHORLU HACHITURU

Professor Longinus Ezekaku Agu was a well measured man of about 4 inches. He was endowed with a puny body and we guessed tiny veins and arteries as well. His petit nature was however not uniform with his five sense organs.
His eyes were great and saucer-like, bearing the intensity of a bird of prey. His lips were meaty and blackened around the edges by harmattan burns and well, his ears stood out evidently by the sides of his head like cocoyam leaves. Geez! we often wondered how he must have looked at birth.
"you have failed! virtually all of you have failed Equity!" he began as he embarked on a slow voyage round the lecture hall.
The class in its entirety was thrown into a state of hysteric laughter which was not as a result of what he'd said but because of his over-sized jumper and suspenders.
"hahahahaha!" he guffawed loudly like a native doctor at his shrine.
"e will do you like lightening. what is the doctrine of Election?...mhmmmmm...what is promissory Estoppel? creation story!" then he nodded his head pitifully.
"Excuse me sir!" a coursemate of ours said as he stood to talk.
" shut up and sit down! isi nkoko! what do you want to say? look at him, he's not even properly dressed. No tie, no belt. My friend get up!" all of a sudden, prof. Longinus was no longer interested in the mass failure that occured in his test.
"what is your name?" the prof. demanded
"Agu Secondus! i hail from Mbaise Local Government Area na Ala Imo state". the young man replied.
Like the sky on a sunny day, the rage on his face quickly dissipated.
the prof. smiled"Nna kedu?" his terribly spaced dentition became so evident.
"Odinma sa!" secondus replied.
"Emmmm...i think i saw your name. you scored 9 over 10." prof. Longinus quickly announced to him.
Hmmmmmm? my eyes goggled in wonder. Secondus was amongst the dick-heads in our class. How then did he manage to score 9?
"sir what about us?"the entire class was thrown into pandemonium.
"never mind my good students...unu ncha were A!" Prof quickly assured us.
Then we commenced our jubilation again"Equity! Equity!Equity!" we chanted in unison..

SEEING IS BELIEVING: BY EWHORLU HACHITURU

Prophetess:(rings bell) you will bring two pregnant mosquitoes...(she rings the small bell again and dances around in a circle) one cockroach eye...aye...aye...hmmmmmm...ho...ly! yes...yes! angels talk to me! (she blinks severally with a hand wedged at the back side of her right ear) okay! hmmmmmm...the fourth tooth of a lizard! aha! osuole o! the left eye of a chameleon! and fifty thousand!
response: (with a sour expression) ma but i don't have money.
prophetess:(in an enraged manner) taaarrrr! you have come to the wrong place!

ENGAGEMENT: EWHORLU HACHITURU

I watched as his little mouth danced around, trying to form words i had been anticipating for months infinite. He was perspiring profusely with his eyes dilating from time to time and his words tumbling out as mere whispering and stuttering. "you didn't go to a jewelry shop! why tell cheap lies?" i asked in furious pretence.his eyes turned sad "baby, you know i kneel before you in utmost truthfulness. do you want me to take you to the shop?" Collins was already up on his feet and had grabbed his car keys from the table."in the first place, what did you go to purchase from the jewelry shop?" i swept my gaze away from his and chuckled slightly. i knew what i was driving at. I wanted him to be bold and fearless when going after what he wanted."some earrings and necklaces for you." he replied in a shaky voice. a huge frown crept across my face but disappeared almost immediately. at this time of my life i didn't need earrings and necklaces anymore from jewelry shops. I'd had enough of them."alright then." i descended on the sofa and sulked a little. it was all good anyway. there was always gonna be another day for surprises. All of a sudden he knelt again in front of me and took my left hand."all this procedure for earrings and necklaces? seriously hon...?" and then he cut me off with the words "marry me!"i blinked twice to clear my eyes. perhaps i didn't hear well. no! i heard well. he just asked me to marry him. well, i just wore a hard expression and remained calm, not betraying any form of excitement.he picked up the glittering gold ring from the ring box and held it out, rolling it in between his thumb and forefinger "marry me!" he said again "bear my children!" he continued "i want you to manage me and our kids for the rest of our long lives! what do you say baby?"a slow smile began to spread like wildfire across my face and then after a long pause came my reply "did you honestly think i would let some other bitch manage you? yes i will marry you honey!" i screamed in elation to the top of my voice.the next thing i heard was "cut! cut! cut!"i knew i had gotten it right this time.

looooolllllzzz...i know i got your hopes spiking like that of a BP patient but never mind anyway...see it the way u want. 

MY APOLOGIES DEARIES!!!

hello dearies!!, happy new month everyone. I started this blog just as ordinarily as possible, it was just a hobby and still pretty much is
 what it fascinates me is the interest it has generated among my readers, never knew i had such a wonderful audience looking forward to every little post I manage to scribble, it is just a month since I started this little hobby of mine and surprisingly GLITMUS is almost grossing a total page-view of 1000. I am deeply grateful to you all for always taking out time to view this blog and i hope with time we learn to interact and make this blog a home, which is my utmost desire.
finally, I am deeply sorry for not making posts as frequently as I should, I will improve on that.thanks to everyone that asks why I have not made a post, you are my inspiration. love you all.